For Cari on Chris' 40th day.... I wrote this awhile back and our conversation regarding the fine line between grieving and becoming crazy reminded me of it.
I am lying here
Staring at walls
My mind simultaneously
Blank
And rife with thought
While my ears tingle
As I wish I could shut off
The noise
Knowing that I am secretly afraid of
The silence
This is the dichotomy of my grief
As I struggle to hold on to you
While letting you go
I have become the melancholic schizophrenic
Surrounding myself with people
Even though I want to push them away
Wanting to be alone
Knowing I will never be
Alone
How can I be when you
Are always with me
You will always be with me
How can you go
When I can't say goodbye?
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