John secretly revels in the fact that I am madly in love with him whenever I'm pregnant (well, more so than usual). And since I've been pregnant pretty much for the last 2 years -- he's had a good run.
I'm guessing it's the body's own way of ensuring that I don't murder him in his sleep knowing full well that its his sperm and our growing collection of vintage porn that's gotten me in this "situation". May be it releases extra endorphins whenever he's around, or it's rewired my pheromone receptors to perceive his as I would the smell of a nice, new leather bag or a loaf of freshly baked bread (my two favorite scents) -- delicious and irresistible.
So instead of looking at him and thinking: YOU are the reason why I can only shower once a day and can't go to the Zara sale.... I look at him and think: I love you.
He doesn't make it easy to repress these mushy feelings of mine. It isn't enough that his usually annoying habits don't bug me anymore. He takes it an extra level by being unusually wonderful during these trying times of ours.
I watch him spend countless hours keeping Pilar amused because I can't help take care of her. My husband, who has the attention span of a gnat, can spend 3 hours doing sand art bottles with our 5 year old while carrying on a conversation about the varying merits of the disney princesses versus the other characters on playhouse disney. Today they are out on a date, just the two of them.
He patiently emptied my bed pans while we were at the hospital, despite the fact that its a chore he has to do 3 to 4 times an hour since I have a bladder the size of raisin. He would brush my hair and wash my face when the IVs clogged my veins and caused my hands to swell.
He spent 4 hours helping my indecisive and neurotic brother buy a new TV. And another 2 helping him set it up at his new flat.
He is easy to love.
Yes he is cranky, short-tempered, messy and hard-headed. And he snores like freight train. He has faults. But they only serve to magnify, not diminish, all the other qualities about him that make feel like I won the bloody "man" lotto when I married him. Hahaha. Lucky me, eh?
He once told me, when we were about to get married, that he worried sometimes that he might not be enough. I was leaving behind the country clubs, the drivers and expensive cars, the maids, and my dad's credit card for a life of mortgages, no maids, and a budget. We were just starting out -- and he wanted us to make it on our own. Just us two. He sometimes felt like that old standard song "That's All" whenever he thought about what exactly it was that he could give me.
And when I think about it now, as I did then, "all" I ever needed (will ever need) is him.
I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore