Chasing Pavements

After watching her performance at the Grammy's, I've been really curious about the British singer Adele and her song "Chasing Pavements". I thought the lyrics were very poignant even though I didn't catch most of them.

So I googled the rest of the lyrics while John downloaded the album. 

"Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere?"

Wow, those lyrics.... I love them! A lot of people think that it's about breaking up or unrequited love. But when I was reading through the lyrics I realized that its about taking chances, about facing the uncertainties of falling in love (mainly not being sure if the person you love loves you back). Facing the uncertainties and taking the leap anyway.

It brought me back to the early days of when John and I were just starting to date. Well, I use the term "date" loosely since we didn't admit that we were dating until it finally became us. Most of the time we told people (and ourselves) that we were just "hanging out". 

I remember after our 5th or 6th date, I was telling some girlfriends that I was starting to really like John. To the point where I thought I was falling in love with him. And it freaked the living crap out of them. They couldn't understand:

a) How I could feel that way after only a couple of dates
b) How I could feel that way about someone like John

But here's the thing, those dates...those dates were awesome. We would mostly go out for dinner, start talking....and wind up closing down whatever bar/restaurant/coffee place we were in. All we did was talk, talk, talk. Talk about the most amazing and mundane things. We had so much in common, and yet we had enough things that we didn't agree on to keep things interesting. I had never met anyone so interested in my opinion, my views, and just my general outlook in life.

And John. He was so different from all the guys I dated. He was older (it doesn't matter so much now that we're in our 30's --- but back then, I was 24 and he was 31, and that freaked a lot of people out). He was so different from me --- quiet, reserved, private, cranky... :-) And I was...well....I could run for mayor. But to me he was thoughtful, mature (with just a hint of boyishness), smart, and funny.

So I found myself falling in love, despite the protestations (and interventions) of several well meaning friends. They had seen me get my heart broken more than once, seen me pin my hopes and love on a guy only to have my heart handed back to me in pieces. They didn't want me to get hurt again. They meant well.

And I remember telling one of them at one point: what have I got to lose? I wanted to open myself up fully to the experience of falling in love with this great guy. What's the worst that could happen? That he doesn't love me back? So what?

One doesn't love only on the condition that one will be loved back.

So we kept dating, and I let myself fall. Even if he wouldn't even admit that we were dating. Even if he never made a move to hold my hand or kiss me (yes people you read that right --- the entire month we were dating John never put the moves on me, and I didn't put the moves on him. Hahaha.). Even if I was the first one to say: I really l-- uh I really LIKE you.

A little after a month of dating, on his birthday, John asked me if he could hold my hand. I said yes. 

2 months after he asked my hand in my hand in marriage. I said yes.

Imagine how differently things would have ended up had I never opened up my heart and been brave enough to say: Screw it! I love this guy! Sure it's only been less than a month. But the heart wants what the heart wants."

"Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere?" 

I say keep chasing those pavements. Yes, sometimes they do lead nowhere. But one day, they will lead you home. 

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I've made up my mind, 
Don't need to think it over, 
If I'm wrong I am right, 
Don't need to look no further, 
This ain't lust, 
I know this is love but, 

If I tell the world, 
I'll never say enough, 
Cause it was not said to you, 
And that's exactly what I need to do, 
If I'm in love with you, 

Should I give up, 
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere, 
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up, 
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up, 
And fly around in circles, 
Waiting as my heart drops, 
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up, 
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere, 
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up, 
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere