You'd think by now I would have run out of tears. But last night, thinking about you and yet another birthday without you, I cried myself to sleep.
You would have been 67 today.
What a great birthday it would have been.
You have 4 grandkids by now (with 2 more on the way!) --- your dream come true. A large family with tons of kids.
And we're all doing ok.
Yes, I am a full time mom now. I'm not sure if that would make you happy or disappointed. I'm sure my old job at SCB would have made you proud. But then, I know that you would understand the reason why I left. And you would have enjoyed the fact that we're having twins in return for the sacrifice. I'm sure you'd claim all the credit since twins run on your side of the family --- never mind the fact that these kiddos are products of IVF.
You know what would make you proud? Eppie and Jaime. Eppie is doing really well at his job right now. And he keeps getting theses amazing offers for other jobs. We try to caution him not to get too blinded by the big bucks, but we know that you are up there helping to guide him in his decisions.
And Jaime. What a great kid. He got into Ateneo, just like you always wanted for him, and he's at the top of his class. He's turning out to be such a smart little boy. We have all tried to do our share in helping raise him, just like we promised, but in the end all credit goes to Mellina. She has become a great mom. You and mom would be proud.
Lastly, there's Wiway. She has become the Father and the Mother that we no longer have. She is the one who keeps our family together. You would be so proud of how well she has managed the funds, how she always reminds us to spend our money wisely, and how good she has become in bossing us around. She reminds me a lot of you --- and we're lucky that your kind, loving and caring spirit lives on in her.
I guess you'll always be here. In all of us. Your go-getting, hard working personality in Eppie. Your great parenting skills in Mellina. Your kind, beautiful soul in Wiway. And... all you old bad habits with me? :-)
I still like to think that among all of us, there is so much of you in me. May be that's why I still feel you so close. Why some times I still can't believe that you're gone. And why I still love, and miss, you so much.
I always thought that when you lose someone, the love you feel for them eventually fades away. But after 5 years I still love you as much as I did when you were still here. May be that's how you live forever. Or that's how you live on. In our hearts, in our minds, in the beautiful memories we'll always have. In the children we now care for, hopefully in the same way you cared for us.
You will always be there.
But it still doesn't make me miss you any less.