It's hard to be part of the fertility treatment roulette. The very thing that sends you to seek treatment, now puts you in control of your own fertility schedule.
There was never any question about wanting to try again after Ines. Of course at the start, the mere thought of trying again would actually cause physical pain in my chest. But then as the months passed, it wasn't so hard to imagine being pregnant again.
John's been very supportive. At the same time, quite pesky about getting me preggers again (as if he would have to do anything with it this time around --- hahaha). His biggest concern is keeping Eeny, Meeny, Minny and Moe under cryostasis too long. They've been in the freezer for over 9 months at this point.
But I've been prevaricating. Its not an easy decision for me to make -- when to get pregnant again. In fact, I haven't been sleeping well the past couple of weeks just thinking about it.
So I prayed. I've been praying every night. For God to give me the strength and the courage to take the necessary steps in trying to get pregnant again. For Him to let me know, in some way, that this is the right decision --- for all of us. And that He will be there with me, to see me through whatever happens next.
This week, I at least got the guts to go to Greg and talk about what needs to get done, and get a prescription for the stuff that helps me get my period. I suffer from extreme amenorrhea and I only get my period twice a year (max). Lucky me eh?
I was supposed to drink the stuff yesterday. But I "forgot". I was supposed to take one this morning. But I "forgot" again. I figured, with our anniversary this Sunday I might as well just take the damned thing on Monday so there's no hindrance to our "sexy weekend" plans. :-)
I guess, God must be tired of all our long, late night conversations (and my irritating indecisiveness). Because today, despite the fact that I haven't taken my meds --- there is no question about whether I should spin the fertility roulette wheel again.
I got my period.
God: "Any more questions? "
Tanya: (smiles sheepishly)
God: "I thought so. See you in 2 to 4 weeks."