An Early Mother's Day Note to My Girls

I take pictures in my mind

Of things I hope to never forget

Like your big toothless smile when you wake up next to me

Or the sight of you running down the school lawn

With your arms outstretched to hug me.

The way your eyes disappear when you laugh

Or the way you sleep with your mouth open in the car.

I want to remember

Seeing you fall

And watching you pick yourself up

The way you twirl around in my room with a frilly skirt and flowers in your hair.

My girl.

My girls.

But how will I take a picture of....

The sweet smell of your breath

Or how it feels to hold your tiny hand in mine.

There will be no pictures of.....

Your big, wet, sloppy kisses

The sound of your laugh

The feel of your hand rubbing my arm as you try to fall asleep

And the delicate scent of you as you sleep.

There are just these words

And my thoughts

And my prayers

That I will never forget

The things that make me grateful to be your mother.

For Olivia

I call you Livie-Love-Love. Because I love you so much it bears saying twice.

You look like me. Should I say sorry? When I was pregnant with your older sister I prayed that she would get daddy's straight hair and beautiful arched eyebrows, and my legs and dimple. When I was pregnant with you all I could pray for --- was not to lose you and for you to make it to term. And here you are, born at exactly 37 weeks. Yes you have my wavy hair, my big bushy eyebrows and daddy's thighs.... But I wouldn't have done it any other way. You are beautiful in mine and God's eyes.

You laugh without sound. One side of your head is flatter than the other. Your poop smells like a toxic dump (literally and figuratively). You throw up half of what you eat 8 times out of 10. And you get angry when no one talks to you while you're awake (even if that's at 3 in the morning).

You are a sight to behold. You are a miracle.

When you smile it brings tears to my eyes. You smell like love.

I am watching you sleep as I type these words, and my heart is filled with the wonder of you. And the knowledge that everything, every big, little, painful, awful, wonderful thing it took for you to get here (on my lap, snoring like your father) was worth it. So worth it.

You are living proof that God loves me. And I love you.

Dear Cervix

I just wanted to take some time out to say: thank you for staying closed, and keep up the good work.

Now I know we haven't always gotten along. It hasn't escaped my attention that it was at this very same point (20 weeks) last April that you weren't able to keep it together and we lost the twins. And in 3 weeks will be the same point in July of 2008 that you opened up (without any warning mind you) and we lost Ines.

But what's past is past, and I want you to know I don't hold any of those things against you. We were in it together and I know I had my short comings too.

What's more important to me now is that we are working together again, and this time things seem to be going much better. True, you gave us a bit of a scare last December by opening up a little --- but I think once we stitched you closed you got the message.

Like I said, the important thing is that today you are closed. You are not funneling and you are holding at 3.7 cm. I am hoping and praying you will stay closed in the next 3 weeks, and I hope it's not too much to ask that you stay closed until the 1st week of June. That's week 36 and that's all we're hoping to hit.

I'm not sure if you're the kind that succumbs to bribes, but let's make a deal: if you behave, I'll behave.

I promise that I will not shop, take long walks or lift anything over 5 pounds. I promise I will spend at least 12 hours a day lying down. I promise I will eat vegetables and fruit at least once a day. And I promise to keep my stress levels down. I will diligently drink my meds at 8AM, 4 PM and 12 MN.

I will forego date night, sex, dinner with friends and the Debenhams Blue Cross sale.

All this... and all you have to do is not funnel, stay closed, and keep yourself at 3.7 cm till June.

Sounds like a great deal.

Are you in? Great. See you next week.

The Nicest Thing

Read this in today's Inquirer, The Daily Gospel section which covered Mark 6:45-52:

Jesus did not come to spare us
the challenges of life.
Jesus cam to be with us in them
so that when, like the disciples,
we find ourselves straining
against the tide
we, too, can come to see life differently.